When You Deprive Someone Of French Toast
by kyannalovesiconicboyz
Summary: UGLY!


**When You Deprive A Vampire Of French Toast**

By Kyanna Almanza

It's a very stunning morning in Calabasas, California. The sky is clear with gradients of blue and an even

lighter pink, the birds are chirping (who knew there was birds around here?) and it's nearly impossible to wake

up in the Vaduva manor and not be in complete bliss with such sights surrounding you. However, to Jade

Vaduva, the sun is revolting and burns her skin; the radiant blues and pinks amongst the sky are too bright for

her liking, and, quite frankly, the smell of sizzling bacon and french toast wafting through the crack under her

door is all that's reminding her that today is another decent day.

Not to mention, the sounds of the supposed birds chirping was probably installed by her crazy mother

who has been watching one too many episodes of MTV's very own _MTV Cribs_.

Jade's long time BFF Amelia had promised her a daylight ring for ages, but apparently can never find

the time to do it. Jade highly believes this is due to the fact she recently started dating a human man who could

take the cake for scum of the Earth, Max Eastwood. It's decided that a phone call is to be made.

Jade usually texts her friends, but she figures this specific message could not be emphasized through

letters on a screen. Her voice needed to be heard- literally.

_ One ring. Two rings._

"Hello?"

"Amelia Gonzales."

There's an awkwardly long pause. Amelia's name hangs in the air.

"Yes."

Jade doesn't respond, but instead grips the cell phone closer to her ear, if that were physically possible.

"That's my name, Jade. Yours is-"

"Amelia Gonzales. I need a daylight ring. Max doesn't. Make me one. Now. Today. Right this minute."

"First of all- I'm busy, so."

"How are you gonna say 'first of all' and only say one thing?" Jade demands, revolted by the lack of

facts Amelia provided as to why she couldn't create a daylight ring.

"Second of all," Amelia continues with caution. "Max is using my spell book to prop up his camera- _careful, babe!_"

"You and Max are-"

"Disgusting, I know. Gotta go. I think— I think he just broke the lens. Bye." _Dial tone._

Jade swears she will demolish all the french toast downstairs to help this moment of frustration pass.

Previous to all the windows in the Vaduva manor being removed, Jade had to dash downstairs to avoid

the sunglight seriously burning her flesh. Granted, not even her super-vampy speed could beat the sun's

rays, and she still has a few scars to prove it.

"Ready for breakfast?" A dinky voice calls from downstairs. Jade's eyes almost immediately roll back

into her head. She hears footsteps just behind her.

"Why can't you just knock? You'd think someone who's 1299 years old would know what manners are."

"That's no way to speak to your mother, young lady."

"I'm not young. I'm 499 years old."

"Gosh, and be grateful," Jade's mother sighs, taking a look in the nearby mirror. "At least you're

nowhere near my age. Thank heavens we don't wrinke."

"Don't call me young again, because I'm not," Jade battles further.

"And you're hardly a lady, too," Jade's mother turns from her close-up inspection to scan her daughter

from head to toe. "Hair unbrushed, crinkled jeans, and— my god, honey, is that a_ t-shirt_?"

"What is it that you want, exactly?" Jade puffs, clearly not up to discuss the condition of her mother's skin, nor her own wardrobe choices.

"I told you, breakfast is ready."

"We aren't human, why do you try _so hard_ to act like we are? Morning breakfast is a _human _thing."

"Don't be foolish. I know you love Italian toast."

"_French _toast, mom. _French_ toast."

"That's right, french toast. My honest mistake, dear." She ruffles through her long flowing ebony locks,

still gazing in the mirror. "Anyhow, you will come down to eat with your family." Before Jade had any time to

protest, her mother is gone in the blink of an eye. Vampires don't blink, however, so .3 seconds can suffice.

To Jade's complete dismay, her extremely large family is dining in the west most dining commons,

which is directly below her own bedroom. Out of all ten dining areas— today's had to be directly beneath her.

Jade never bothers to attend family events if she can help it. She's missed fifty two family get-togethers

in the past decade, and doesn't regret a single one. Today, she doesn't get to change that count to fifty three.

As soon as she descended into the dining room, Jade felt very out of place.

"Jade!"

"How lovely to see you!"

"Oh, you've sure changed!"

"Come sit next to me, darling!"

Greetings were thrown at her like darts, but she was very unfamiliar with everyone who spoke them.

"Jade, your aunt and uncle have welcomed new additions to the family," Jade's father swoops in to

confirm her suspicions about her growing family population.

"More immortal kids around this manor?" She questions in distress.

"That's no way to speak to your uncle Vladimir and Aunt Esmeralda!"

"Okay, first thing, I have seven uncle Vladimirs— which one of you got re-married?"

"I did," Uncle Vladimir number one stands. "Vivian was a real son of a-"

"Ahem," Jade's father ends that remark there.

"I'm not doing this," Jade whispers to her father. "I know hardly anyone here to even eat formally with them like you and mom expect me to."

"Nonsense, they're your own flesh and blood!"

"I don't have blood!" Jade bellows. "I'm sick of you and mother trying so hard to fit into human society!"

She quickly scans the room, her anger rising as she takes everything in.

"Aunt Cora! Why are you wearing a _sun _pendant? The sun _burns_ us! It's not fashionable!"

"Tamara— do you really think adding pounds of bronzer to your face will hide your paleness? Think

again! You look like you're auditioning for a low-budget spin off of _Jersey Shore!_"

"I'll join this circus for breakfast once you all get a life."

Jade ate no french toast that morning.

"Darling?" A miniscule knock on the door followed.

"No."

"I could demolish this door of yours with my toe, you know that, honey. I respect you enough to have you let me in."

"I don't want to talk to you-"

A loud rumbling sound then emerged from behind Jade, who was idly staring at her gray bedroom walls.

Jade's bedroom door was no longer functioning as a door, but now worked pretty well as a pile of

cracked mahogany on the floor.

"Why are you so angry with us?"

"Are you joking? Our family reigned Slovakia and Hungary for centuries so we could move here and become valley girls?"

"Don't give me that, Jade. You have modernized just as much as the rest of us."

"I never wanted to. I don't even know half of the people down stairs that are supposedly related to me.

This manor shouldn't even accomodate so many people. Why is this manor so big, mom? Do you really need ten

different kitchens with revolving doors?"

Jade never was too fond of all the extravagance her parents owned and tried to get her to love. In fact, as

much as she detests most human characteristics coming from her family, she wouldn't mind a regular sized

human house without all of her extended family members packed in.

"We were blessed with all this, Jadeanira. I'm having trouble understanding why it bothers you."

"Who names their child Jadeanira?!" Jade was fuming- how dare her thousand year old mother try to be

modern and disgustingly old fashioned at the same time. "All this-" Jade waved her arms around the empty

space in the room - "Is not needed. My own bedroom is easily bigger than the Starbucks by Amelia's house.

More over, I realize we adapt to our locations in order to blend in, but there are _limits_, you hear me? My cousin

Cornelia was just teling Luciana that the Type O she was drinking was some cherry concotion-"

"That was a Tart Cherry Cocktail, don't be absurd-"

"You need to clean your nostrils because that was most definitely Type O, not some fruity drink."

"My, I could use a cocktail right now," Jade's mother pondered in the midst of her daughter's arguement.

"You aren't even listening to me!" shouted Jade. "We drink blood, not sweet bar drinks!"

At this point in the very one sided conversation, Jade could feel her head pounding- could vampires even

get headaches?- and quickly realized what an uncomfortable situation she was standing in. That's when it

very easily clicked.

"I don't need to be here. I don't need to live here at all."

"What are you talking about?" Jade's mother finally spoke, putting her thoughts of other delicious drinks at rest.

"I have enough American money to be on my own. I'm about to turn five hundred and it does not need to

be _here _with all of you nightmares."

"Oh, Jadeanira, that's rich. You know women who are younger than eight hundred can't leave their

manors unless they're married."

"I'll get married, then. Amelia has this boyfriend- Max something or another- I bet he has a friend that is more than capable to be my husband."

Jade's mother frowned. "You really won't consider marrying Demitri, then?"

Jade shot her mother a glare that radiated hatred. "He was my boyfriend for nine decades then dumped me for a human. Think again."

"That's why he dumped you?"

"Yes, and I'd rather not talk about that loser anymore."

"I can get rid of that human he's dating, you know-"

"I have someone in mind, don't you worry," Jade lied. "There's absolutely no need for that."

Another frown was offered. "Are you really that unhappy with your life here that you're going to rush

into a marriage to be on your own?"

Jade's family followed a very traditional vampire code, and doing so rewarded them with all the riches

they have now- which is why they stick to it. A very simple law states that females have to be 800 years old

before they can leave whatever guardian they have. In the event they wish to be free earlier, they need to marry

another person.

Their want to marry someone is not to be questioned.

After a long pause of thought, Jade spoke, confirming her mother's doubts.

"Yes, I _will_ marry someone else if it means I get to leave this place."

A trip to a best friend's house always gave answers. Or, at least, for Jade they did.

It's been a while since she actually knocked on Amelia's door, so like normal, Jade waltez right into

home- or at least tries to. Jade's body is physically blocked from the entrance.

"What the hell?" Jade tries to walk into the house one more time. "_Amelia?!_"

"Sorry, sorry," Amelia scatters to meet Jade at the front door. "Max threw away the _lease to my house_,

can you believe the idiot-"

"What?"

"So now technically I don't own this house and that's why you couldn't walk in-"

"_What?_"

"What?" Amelia blinks.

"He threw away the lease?"

"Yes, why do you ask? I literally just told you that-"

"Why are you dating him again?"

Amelia glares at Jade.

Jade isn't trying to make a joke. "No, really, I'm geniunely interested why you bother with him."

"Anyway, since you can't come in- why did you come over, by the way?- we should head over to

Harley's house."

Jade agrees, but is still confused by the fact out of all people on this earth, Amelia Gonzales chose to date Max Eastwood.

"He_ sold the lease to your house_?" Harley asked in disbelief just as Jade did.

"No, he just tossed it out."

"Amelia, I say this because I love you-"

"I don't care. Jade, what were you going to tell me when you came over?"

"We're not done talking about Max," she insists with a stern stare. "Anyways, I need to get married.

Like, really soon. Like, _today_ soon."

"Um," starts Harley, her emerald eyes darting around the room.

"Uh oh. You're not seeing Demitri again, are you?"

"I don't know who that is," Jade lies. "I'm honestly very tired of living with my family." Not that Jade is

a compulsive liar, but this felt like one of the most genuine statements she's admitted all week. That and earlier

when she told her mom that the new clothes she bought made her look like a Barbie doll who had the life

drained out of her. (A+ Paleness, to be fair.)

"You're out of your mind," Amelia put simply. "I'd kill to live in your house."

"I'd _watch _you kill to live in my house," Jade sighs. "It's not the structure of the house I'm worried about-

well, actually, the fact that we have 22 bathrooms that I've never found concerns me, but that's neither here nor

there. They just suffocate me. I've been stuck with them for four hundred and ninety-nine years, does that

concern no one?"

"Okay? So pack your things and get a move on. You're not broke, are you?" Harley already knows the

answer to this question, but asks anyways for good measure.

"_Tha not even a wor' in my paren's vocabularu_," Jade huffs, a nearly inaudible retort due to the amount

of peanut butter in her mouth. "Can you imagine if they made french toast flavored peanut butter?"

"Then it wouldn't be peanut butter. If money's not your problem, then what is?" Amelia squeezes Jade's hand.

"Females have to be eight hundred years old to legally move out, unless they're married. And, fine- I

think I'm going to start up a vampire market. Our best seller could be AB Negative peanut butter."

"Vampires have_ laws_?"

"Of course we do. We're people after all, not zoo animals."

"Zoo animals have regulations too, you know."

"Yeah Jade, don't be z_oocist_-"

"That's not a word-"

"Um," Amelia interrupts again. "Who are you going to marry, then?"

"I don't know. That's where you two come in, I suppose."

"You could always use Nick, you know."

Jade chuckles at this suggestion. "Nick? My father would feed him to my entire household before I got the chance to marry him."

"Okay, yeah, Nick isn't as wealthy as you guys, but no one is. Why not him?"

"Harley, come on," Jade exhales, grabbing a new spoon and jar of peanut butter from the coffee table

beneath the trio. "Nick's a little weird, don't you think?"

"No. That's why I _suggested _him."

Jade has known Nick for about two years now. They met through Amelia, who was recycling boyfriend

choices to Jade, and a friendship blossomed somehow. Their friendship is the most recent friendship Jade can

recall that she's made.

However, Jade hasn't talked to Nick in months ever since he bought her the same vinyl of Foster The

People that she already had. It was a rocky situation.

It then occured to Jade that she truly had no other options, and she would rather marry someone she

knows than a complete stranger- or worse- a _blind date_ Amelia and Harley set up. That didn't work the first time.

Jade was at Nick's house must faster than she wanted to be. With Harley and Amelia by her side, she

delivered a solid knock to his front door.

When the door opened, Nick gave out a shriek he plans not to own up to later. "Oh- I thought you were

somebody else. Hi, Jade. Um, are you going to slice my throat with that vinyl like you said you were going to-"

"Hello, Nicholas," Jade steps into the small home, Harley and Amelia following closely. "Do you have a

minute to discuss Jesus Christ?"

"Sure, what about him?"

"Wait- who did you think we were?" Harley questions, still lost at the girl-like sound that emerged from

his mouth moments prior.

"I thought you were Megan," Nick admits, taking a seat in his living room area. As soon as he says these

words aloud, he immediately regrets them.

"You thought I was _who_?" Jade's neck almost rotates a full three hundred and sixty degrees.

There's no doubt in the trio's minds of exactly what Megan he was talking about. There was only one

specific- and very notorious- Megan that Jade has ever had the displeasure of meeting.

Megan Batoon is annoying, and is usually the source of everyone's aggrevation one point in their life or

another. In Jade Vaduva's case, it was nearly all the time. She truly hated everything about her- here mere

presence is enough to get her teeth grinding. Maybe it was the fact she tried to make a pun out of everything, or

her disgustingly arched eyebrows- or maybe it was even her one snaggletooth that was enough to send her off

the edge. Megan is a dancer, a tacky one at that, and Jade insults all of her choreography whenever she gets the

chance to. She tries nearly constantly to steal Amelia's boyfriend, Max Eastwood, and has failed thus far.

No one likes Megan.

"I can't believe you thought I was that she-rat, Nick. I'm going to have to re-consider our marriage."

Nick coughed harshly. "We're married?" He scanned his mind, trying to remember if he blacked out a

certain night and forgot he married her.

"Not yet, we're not." Jade was ready to head to some little drive-through chapel nearby and get this done

with, but she was disappointed when she still saw the confusion flooding through in Nick's dark brown eyes.

After several gulps and w_ait, what_?'s, Nick had agreed to be Jade's legal husband for the time being.

They headed out the door to be wed when Nick bumped into a certain someone wearing a black lace dress and

an alarmingly unflattering shade of lipstick.

"Jesus Christ, Megan, you scared me."

"Sorry," she mutters, scanning her nails for any imperfection. "I was about to knock."

Harley steps forward and knocks on Megan's forehead. "Knock knock, ugly, we don't have time for you."

Megan frowns. "Harley, rememeber when we were such good friends?"

"That was the seventh grade."

"I helped you get your first boyfriend!"

"You told him to _dump_ me. And he did."

"I couldn't help how he felt towards me-"

"I never even liked you that much, really-"

Megan holds back a chuckle. "Didn't he dump you on the day of that one dance, too?"

"Shut up, Megan, you look so horrifying in that dress it looks like you're headed to your own funeral,"

Amelia shuts the two up. "Also, you sprained your ankle at that same dance trying to pull off some stupid

move."

"Yeah, well, I've perfected that move now, actually." She looks down to her feet. "I can do it in heels, too."

"That may be the only dance move you can ever do decently if you don't move in one second because _I _

_will break your legs_," Jade steps in, frustrated at the lack of movement through Nick's tiny doorway.

Megan shimmies aside, figuring she will need her legs to choreograph more garbage in the future. "Nick, I need to talk to you."

"No, you don't. Nick and I are going to get married. Please don't come or you'll jinx everything."

"_Married_?" She stammers closer to Nick's now clammy face. "Since when has this been going on?"

"Um," begins Nick. "That's a funny story, really.."

By the time the informal ceremony has begun, Megan has managed to post seventeen different selfies to

instagram with the caption "_On my way 2 this bitch! #wedding #selfie #cute #whowillitietheknotwith _

_#maxiloveyou 1:57 PM_" and "_Love is in tha air. oh wait, thts my new Nicki Minaj perfume. #istoleit _

_#brokepeoplearecuter #weddingbound #beautiful 2:02 PM_" In every single picture, you can see Harley giving a

snarl of disapproval.

Amelia's wedding gift was actually Jade's daylight ring, which served its purpose, especially on the ride

home when the sun was portruding onto every surface it could. It was a silver ring with an emerald cut, and

because Nick didn't provide any jewelery whatsoever (mainly because he had no idea he was going to get

married that day), Jade figured it would work as a fake wedding ring to shove in other people's faces whenever

her marriage was questioned.

The ride home and presentation of the ring was supposed to be it in Jade's mind. First, she had to

introduce the company that followed her into the manor. "Isabel Vaduva, this is Amelia Gonzales, Witch and

Best friend." She referred to the fair-skinned and wide-eyed woman standing opposite her that was indeed

Amelia. "This is Harley Cannons, Human and other best friend." Harley bows as a joke. "This is my husband,

Nick Canfield." Nick tries to smile, but his mouth twitches instead. "And finally, this is a piece of trash that

stumbled into our household somehow." Jade points to Megan who was taking another picture with the caption

"_Wow ! sooooo many lights lol. #newhome #aaaaaahh #MTVCribs_".

The ring nearly just met her Mother's standards, however, Nick did not. In fact, she had pulled Jade aside

and demanded what she saw in him.

"His hair is ashy and flat, Jadeanira, _please_! He is wearing a _band shirt_. You married _him_?" Was what

she recieved instead of what Jade expected, which was her dismissing approval. _"Dominic, she's married a _

_couch potato!" "Isabella, it's her life!" _Were the last things Jade heard before her mother told her that there

needed to be a honeymoon to complete everything. The Smithsonian was mentioned, and that's exactly where

they're headed.

"Megan, why are you still here?" Jade whined. Honestly, if she hears the sound of a camera going off

again, Jade believes she will explode.

"I love museums!" Megan squeals, though she is a 23 year old woman.

"I love you being far away from me, that's what I love," Jade replies.

Amelia rolls her eyes. "She's here because Max is." Jade wasn't paying any close attention when the

decision to bring Max along was made.

"Um," says Nick. "It's pretty late. Is the Smithsonian even open?"

"As if that matters," Max chuckles, knowing that with a witch and a vampire on their side, anything is

possible.

Nick rubs at his arms as Megan rolls down the window to take what she calls a "dancer's wind" picture

of herself. "The Smithsonian isn't just any random museum, it's very secured. I've been there before."

"No one cares what field trips you took when you were seven," Harley teases. "We're getting in."

Walking into the Smithsonian, Nick had already developed a cold sweat. Megan and Max had already

managed to run around the entire first floor.

"Aren't there lasers and stuff?" Harley questions, obviously referring to the one of many movies she

has seen.

Amelia squints to the east wall. "_Security lasers on at 6:30 PM_. Huh. It's only 6:26."

Suddenly, Nick and Jade's honeymoon evolves to a _how many sections of the Smithsonian can we run around_

race.

They all pool into a narrow hallway. "I don't think this hall has any cool stuff," Megan frowns. "Let's

go back."

"Wait, horse teeth. Is this a private hall?" Jade's interest rate has now peaked.

"Considering we just passed a '_STRICTLY EMPLOYEE'S ONLY' _sign, I would say so," Max confirms.

"It's 6:28, just saying. I don't know if there's any lasers all the way up here."

They reach the end of the hall and are about to return back downstairs to make a safe exit while they can,

but Harley is curious, nosy, and apparently not afraid of lasers in the slightest, because she convinces Amelia and

Jade to work together and open the very last door that has some sort of smoke flowing out of the crack of it.

The door slowly screeches to an open and the gang realizes it's not smoke, but dry ice that is all over the

floor of this mystery room.

"How are we even up here?" Megan asks with evident excitement in her voice.

"Why are _you_ even up here?" Amelia asks under her breath.

"I heard that, you little skeeze," hisses Megan.

"Oh, you want to call _me_ the little skeeze? Who bought that ugly dress and has been wearing it all day as

if you're going to impress somebody?"

"Stop arguing, these lasers are about to turn on-"

"At least I can dance," Megan huffs, turning her back on Amelia.

"Oh, please, you look like you're trying to shake fleas off everytime you so much as do a lame little

dance move."

"Stop fighting!"

"Hey Amelia, what rhymes with witch?" Megan turns back around, snarling.

"I'll show you!" Amelia lunges forward only to be restrained by Harley and Nick, whilst Max is

restraining Megan. Jade stands before them, soaking in the scene that's unfolding, hoping someone punches

Megan in the face.

Unfortunately for all of them, the clock hits 6:30 PM. When the laser ray comes in contact with Jade's

vampire skin, it sends such a force through her that she jerks forward, toppling everyone over into the closest

wall.

Except it wasn't a wall.

If you were to fall through that wall just as Jade, Amelia, Max, Nick, and Megan did, it would

have felt like falling through a very large amount of soapy bubbles- you don't know where the end is until you

fall through it completely.

The Smithsonian's security lasers were the least of their problems now.

"Wait- what just happened?" Amelia was the first voice to ring through clearly through all the

coughing.

"Where-" Max pauses to cough into the open fog surrounding them. "-is the Smithsonian?"

"My hair!" Megan squeaks. "I just this done, _oh god_!"

"Don't worry," Jade steps through the thick fog towards the rest of the group. "You looked hideous

before and you look hideous now."

"Why did I even _come_ here?"

"You wanted to chase Max around," Amelia yells, clearly still annoyed.

"I ask myself that every day," Jade admits. "Although it's more like, '_Why did Megan decide to keep _

_breathing yet another day?_' Yeah, that's pretty close."

The bickering continued for a few more seconds until the majority of the fog cleared. Nick swore he

fell into a freezer considering the dangerously low temperatures. He was dead wrong.

They were, in fact, standing on a giant hill in front of...

"Is that the Hollywood sign behind us or am I seeing things?" Max and Amelia gasp in unision.

Though Amelia is a witch, she has never teleported a day in her life and has never tried to do so.

"Well, if Amelia's surprised, that's a shock," Megan drawls. "You are a filthy witch, haven't you seen odd

things like this before?"

"I sure am, Megs, and I certainly have- starting with your face." Amelia pauses to give her a hard stare.

"And I won't hesistate to _bibbity-boppity-boop_ your ass back to hell where you came from."

"Can you send me, too?" Nick asks hopefully. "It's freezing."

"Uh, guys?" Max interrupts.

"Not now, Max-"

"No, really. Where _are_ we?"

They looked around and took in their surroundings.

Max stepped far back enough to see the sign behind the others. He expected the letters to read

"Hollywood", but his expectations were not meant when he realized the sign read "Jardenland" instead.

Beneath the Jardenland hill was what looked like a post-apocalyptic Los Angeles or Anaheim.

Jade and her then-boyfriend Demitri Sandoval came to the Hollywood sign once before to see who could

race across the letters the fastest before the sun came up. However, the sun rose just enough for the humans

to start their day- not enough to burn either one of them. Demitri smelled the blood of a female human and

forgot he was ever in a relationship with Jade Vaduva. That's the real break up story, even though Jade

would prefer not to speak about it ever again. (You could imagine her fury when the _Twilight _books came out.)

In any event, the city was lively then, and had normal city qualities. Traffic, people, running businesses,

you name it. This was not the case.

Megan cried even more over her filthy hair and the temperature, meawhile, it became apparent to the

rest of the crew that this was not the scenery before them.

"I have two questions.." She began, done having a tantrum over her coffee brown locks.

"Nobody cares. Don't speak for the rest of your natural born life."

"I'm confused. Where in the world are we?"

"Your precious Google Maps isn't working?" Amelia cooed hatefully.

"No, but neither is you being Max's girlfriend-"

"Can't you read?" Jade presses. Stepping farther back to glare at the fuller what-was Hollywood sign.

"Clearly, we're at Jardenland."

"I think it's pronounced_ Hardenland._" Nick offers in the midst of discussing their location.

"I think you're an idiot sometimes, Nick, but I don't say that to you." Jade dismisses his comment. "Plus,

if it's pronounced like that, then my mother might've named it. After all, she named me-"

"Jadeanira," they say in unision. Even Megan knew. "We _all _know."

"Megan? Do a flip off this hill." Jade does not like her saying her name. Or her even being present.

"I'll pass, but thanks for your suggestion!"

"Sure. I'll suggest another one. Choreograph your suicide off this hill. Dance your way to death, you

little dancing earth worm."

"Right, guys, let's.. not stand here anymore." Nick's voice inched nearer and nearer by each word. Jade

turned to realize he was walking toward everyone.

"Where did you go?"

"I peed behind that huge rock," Nick explains. "I just walked far away enough for you to not hear me."

"We're married and you don't want me to hear you pee? I think I'm gonna have to re-think our marriage."

Jade snorts. "Actually, there's nothing to re-think. I want a divorce."

That statement made Nick's heart jump even though he knew Jade was kidding- or at least hoped she

was. He offers a half-hearted smile just incase. When Nick and Jade first met, Jade complimented his teeth- then

got mad that they were better than hers. ("I_f he was a vampire, he'd be able to pierce skin _so_ much better than _

_me!_")

"Amelia- are you sure you couldn't have done anything to get us here?"

"Of course I'm sure. You threw away my spell book when you tossed out those broken lens."

"That was yours?" Max asks in complete disbelief.

"I don't have any spell books to misplace, Max," Megan coos.

"You don't have anything at all," Jade murmured.

"You three need to be quiet, actually," Nick steps in. "We should move."

"Move where?" Max blinks at the path before them, wondering where it would lead to.

After an hour of walking, the humans get pissed off.

"Um," starts Nick.

"For heavens sakes, we've been walking for ages and_ I'm wearing heels_-"

"No one cares about your disgusting footwear choice, believe me," Jade reminds her.

"Disgusting? These are _Louboutins_!"

"Yes, and they're fake. I can smell the 'made in china'sign on the sole of them from here."

More whining follows from Max and Nick, all regarding their thirst and feet.

"We'll check into a hotel. Everyone happy?" Amelia snaps.

"Where do you see one?" Max demands.

"We'll steal a car, then."

Nick pulls at the collar of his shirt. "Um," he swallows.

"What? You're not down for grand theft auto? Playing hours of the video game never payed off, Nicky?"

"What if-" Nick licks his lips carefully. "What if we get busted?"

"_By who_?" Amelia asks with such emphasis tears spring to her eyes. "By Casper the Friendly ghost?"

By the time Amelia is done mocking Nick, Jade has already started the engine of a nearby Lexus.

In the end, they all managed to fit in the vehicle. To Jade's own dismay, she had to have Megan in the

passenger seat, otherwise she would find a seat on Max's lap- and Amelia couldn't have that.

Eventually, they reach some level of civilization, and, luckily, a hotel along with it.

"Megan, you'll have a room to yourself because I don't like you. I'm rooming with Amelia-" she pauses

to savor the look of disappointment on Max's face. "-and Max and Nick get a room together. Don't protest

because I don't care."

Megan pouts. Max's face is scrunched up in worry. Amelia nods, easily settling with these room

assignments. Nick is about to cry.

It's been 20 minutes and Max demands room service.

"Who knows how long we'll be here?" Megan sides with him. "Also, I'm pretty hungry."

Jade doesn't need sleep, so she can't exactly place a_ do not disturb _sign on her door to ward off

any intruders who beg for copious amounts of cheese fries and gatorades.

"Do these doors even close right?" Jade sighs from her own bed.

"Is that a no to the room service?"

"Do what you want. Just leave this room." Jade can already feel Megan's stench filling up the room as

the seconds tick by and she demands it to stop.

Megan, Max and Nick order everything on the hotel's menu.

"_We might be here all week,_" and _"I get hungry ridiculously often"_ were the excuses heard that

supposedly justified their actions.

"I'm going to the front desk to check out," Jade announces, breaking the silence in her and Amelia's

suite.

"Do you need to?" Amelia stretches. "These pillows are just so soft-"

"I don't want to stay here. We need to go home."

"Jade, just_ feel one_-"

"Bye." Jade rejects the feather pillow that Amelia stuffs to her face.

Several flights of stairs later (Jade doesn't believe in elevators), she reaches the front desk, though no

one is there.

Jade timidily rings the bell on the polished blue counter before her. She's fairly certain front desks of

most businesses should have at least one person standing by to operate them. A loud thump follows her bell

sound.

A young man stands up, back facing Jade, and rubs the back of his head in agony.

"Ugh-" he pauses to roll his head once for good measure. "Sleeping under that desk wasn't a great idea."

"I need to check out," Jade presses, growing impatient.

The man turns around and Jade swears, if she had to breathe to live, she wouldn't be able to at that exact

moment.

This young hotel man was not ugly in the slightest. He had a slender build, gorgeous chocolate eyes,

and cheek bones that you could be impaled on- not to mention his naturally pouty looking lips that Jade will

later cry over to Amelia.

"What room, miss?"

He had long eyelashes that any girl would envy- _nearly tan skin_, Jade noted. _Dark hair..._

"Miss?"

"Um," says Jade.

Jade Vaduva is never at a loss for words, or more interested in anything than she is in french toast. This

was one of those exceptions.

"Hello, I'm Jade Vaduva."

He blinks slowly. "Anthony Latoria. What room do you want to check out of, please?"

"Why would I want to check out of this beautiful hotel?" Jade waves her arms.

"You said you had to check out. Plus, I'm pretty sure the entire fourth floor is haunted-"

"No, don't you worry. I'm actually going to have to book another night."

Anthony chuckles. "Okay, please visit our booking booth to the left."

_Hotels have booking booths?_ Jade questioned silently. She strolled over to the aqua free-standing

booths that stood directly over a little "Hotel Self-Sign In" sign and prepared herself to book a thousand more

nights when...

"Oh, shit!" A sharp sizzling sound emerged from the flesh of her arm. She quickly stepped back.

"Are you alright?" Anthony questioned worrily.

"I'm fine," She assured this new hotel boy.

She glanced quickly at whatever burned her and realized it was the skylights.

"Um," she mutters at her daylight ring, as if it could reply. Once she realizes it's not going to speak

back and provide a reasonable explanation as to why it didn't just do its only intended job, she turns around to

face Anthony at the front desk.

"I'll actually be right back," is all Jade slurs before she charges back up to her room with Amelia inside,

still caressing each pillow.

"What do you mean _it didn't work_?"

Jade sighs heavily. "That's exactly what I mean, you dirty sock. The sunlight sizzled my arm!"

"Did you just call me a dirty sock?"

"I'm not supposed to sizzle like that, Amelia! _I'm not a piece of bacon_!"

"Jade, out of all insults-"

"I would've used a french toast analogy," Jade thinks aloud, already reminiscing about the time she gave

such a brutal complaint to the manager when she noticed there was no french toast option on the breakfast room

service menu that the manager quit her job twenty minutes ago. "But I don't think french toast sizzles in the way

bacon does, you know?"

"Jade, that daylight ring was a work in progress for weeks. I couldn't have messed up on it."

"Then why did those tacky skylights hurt me?" Jade rubs at her arm where the 'sizzling' took place.

"I don't know," Amelia says honestly. "I don't know how that daylight ring failed you. I don't know how

we even got here. I don't know what Jardenland is. Isn't this entire thing a little weird?"

Jade nods. "Of course it is, but there's no reasonable explanation for any of this that I can think of."

"So what do we do now?"

It's a simple question, but there's no simple answer to be given. Jade looks up to meet Amelia's gaze and

stops frantically rubbing at her upper arm.

"We just have to find a way back home."

After Max, Megan and Nick have finally stopped eating and got enough rest after several days,

Jade realizes it's time for them to get a move on back to Calabasas where things weren't a blast, but

were simple. Amelia agrees, because all her spell books are at home, and not in this odd city.

What do you do when you don't want to meet new people, but need vital information in an

unfamiliar area? You talk to the cute front desk boy.

It wasn't exactly easy transitioning from _how was your morning_? To _I'm a vampire, my friend is_

_a witch and we need to get back home now_. It actually took a few hours at that front desk to get the

seriousness across. Anthony had shooed away multiple hotel customers due to his actual high level

of interest in Jade's troubles, and Jade never got tired of telling them to a gorgeous face. But she did

need the help, after all. She was very surprised to learn this wasn't the first time he's heard of vampires.

"Hm," was all Anthony murmured after Jade had finished explaining her past few days. "Hm."

"I'm not expecting you to provide any answers for how this happened," Jade continued hastily,

wanting to get somewhere with this conversation. "I also realize that the chances of you being able to

help are really far fetched-"

"Hm," Anthony ponders aloud. "Wait."

"Yes?"

"Wait," he says, scratching his head and squinting at a scratch on the surface of the desk.

Jade is about to implode before Anthony speaks again.

"If what you're saying is all true," he pauses, rubbing at the same scratch with a small frown.

"Then I think I know someone who can help you."

"You do?!" Jade squeals in delight. She has never been more excited to go home in her 499

years of living- or about anything other than multiple slices of french toast. "Oh, this is _fantastic,_ thank

you!"

"Sure," Anthony meets Jade's eyes now. "His name is- well, I don't know his real name. He goes

by Vee, if that helps."

"It helps," Jade beams. "You help. A lot."

"I'm glad I could," He admits quietly, not dropping his hold on Jade's aqua blue eyes. "I'm glad

I met you."

"I'm glad I met you, too," Jade says, then immediately after, can feel herself sinking into a

pile of mush from the words being exchanged.

"Um," she says. "I'm going to have my friend check out for us and we'll go see this Vee

person."

"He can be stubborn, just a heads up, " Anthony offers his last piece of help. "Wait- you're

checking out?"

"Yeah, if this person can really help us then we'll be on our way."

Anthony can't help but frown. "I won't see you again?"

Jade almost automatically rolls her eyes. "Of course you will."

The address Anthony gave Jade was written very clearly and neatly- but everyone was confused

when they arrived at what seemed to be an M&M's factory, but read_ N&N's_ instead.

"Your boyfriend sent us to a rip-off candy factory?" Megan asked in disbelief, Max and Nick

nodding in agreement, Nick stopping to shake his head instead when he realizes Megan called Anthony

her boyfriend.

"I swear Anthony wrote the right place down," Jade scratches her head, looking at the faded

N&N's sign above the dirty glass double doors. It's dark out now, and Jade is grateful for that; she has

avoided stepping outside at all costs just in case her daylight ring may randomly fail her again.

"Of course you'll believe anything that guy tells you," Megan pushes. "You've known him

for a few weeks so he _has t_o be correct."

"Oh, that's rich," hisses Jade in return. "Coming from the girl who will make herself look like a

baby prostitute for any guy who has a heartbeat."

Max has been quite oblivious to Megan's antics for most of the time he's known her, and sees

her as a close friend despite his girlfriend's rather obvious disliking for her. Max has assured Amelia

that there's nothing to worry about, although the one time they got into a serious fight, he spent a

supposed _platonic weekend_ at her home. Amelia and Megan were civil at one point in time. That

changed rather quickly.

Jade quickly shoved the glass doors open and entered the musty N&N's building

before she had to hear Megan speak one more time.

She quickly notices that there's a loud tapping noise on the floor above her and, considering

the fact that there's no one else around to greet her or explain why in the world they would have

such low respect for themselves that they were working at a rip off M&M's factory, her next decision

is to find the source of the sound.

It's a simple walk up the stairs and a few strides to her left that lets her know that the tapping

sound is actually a balding man who's typing away at some sort of oval screen.

"Are you-" Jade glances at the paper in her palm- "-Vee?"

"Who wants to know?" The balding man croaks without stopping to look at Jade.

Jade takes a while to respond as she watches him type at a speed she didn't know human hands

could move at. "Um, I want to know. Who else would want to know? I'm the only one here."

The man stops typing.

"Perhaps your friends just outside of this building," He gives her a quick hard stare then returns

to typing his fingertips away.

"Do you find that therapeutic or something?" Jade can't help but ask. With one look at the

screen, she realizes he's typing nothing but random computer codes that create iPhone Emojis with

each press of the enter button.

"I don't expect you to understand," he sighs, and waves the screen away out of Jade's sight.

"I am Vee, since you wanted to know so badly."

"I asked once-"

"I'm quite busy, so if you could just get to the point, it would save quite the amount of time

for the both of us."

"Anthony Latoria sent me here," Jade informs him, hoping that would loosen him up anyhow.

"I need to find a way back home. My friends and I- we were fooling around the Smithsonian and-"

"The Smithsonian?" Vee stops Jade to have a long, hearty laugh. "If you're practicing some

sort of stand-up routine, you're good."

"I'm not trying to be funny," Jade says sternly. "We entered some weird hallway and I bumped

into everyone and we landed on this foggy hill a few hours from here."

Vee's wrinkly mouth pulls into a scowl. "You don't mean that awful Jardenland place, do you?"

"That's exactly where I mean. You've been there?"

"No one's been there for years, kid."

Jade wants to mention she's hardly a kid- which also reminds her, her 500th birthday should be

in a few days. She doesn't keep track of the dates.

"Why hasn't anyone been there?"

"How don't you know?" Vee squints. "Have you been living under a rock? That was all

anyone in California could talk about for years."

"I live in Calabasas," Jade blinks. "I never realized Hollywood was tampered with."

"Well, either you fell into a coma or you seriously don't talk to anybody."

"Neither of those things are true, trust me. We just- how could we possibly go from one

coast to the other in a matter of seconds? How do you explain that?" At this point, Jade has no idea why

Anthony sent her to hunt down this mysterious man who's typing smileys in a candy factory, but it

makes no sense along with everything else. She can't be surprised. Although she questions whether

or not she was just lead into a pedophile trap. If that's the case, he'll be displeased to hear she is not

as young as she looks.

Vee stares at Jade's blank face for a good thirty seconds before he sits up right, as if someone

turned on a switch.

"Oh dear."

"What?"

"Can I see that paper you're holding, please?" Vee requests. Jade hands the slip of hotel

stationary paper.

Vee flips the rosy colored paper, uninterested in the address or the fact Anthony referred to him

as "_Psycho dude who probably could help better than I can_" and scans the back of it.

With a steady hand, he lifts the paper to Jade's eyes.

The date is printed is the first thing Jade notices, and is sure to tease Anthony when she goes

back for using dated pink stationary paper at all, but forgets completely about it when she reads _October 7__th__, 2114._

Jade yanks the paper out of Vee's hand.

"I have no time to analyze typos, dude."

"It's no _typo_," he stresses. "That's today's date."

"How could that be? You mean I time traveled?" Jade snorts.

"Miss, I'll have you know a few things," Vee stands up from his tiny office space.

Jade is amazed he can walk.

"I don't work at this N&N's factory-"

"What happened to M&M's?"

"I'll get to that. This is just an abandoned building, no one has produced that candy in a while.

At least not here. Anyways, back in your time- I'm assuming 2012, based on your friend's Justin Bieber

key chain." Jade glances to the first floor below her to realize Nick, Amelia, Max, and Megan have let

themselves in and are heavily discussing what flavors of syrup go best with pancakes. In a fit of angst

after Nick said strawberry syrup was what he imagined to be an equivalent to Satan's glutenized urine,

she tossed her purse to the floor, its contents scattering in all directions and her home keys now in

direct view.

"2014, actually," Jade corrects quickly.

"My mistake. That's a picture from his 2012 _Believe Tour_. Anyways, there was a family that my

family was very close to. They studied time, were always majors in things like physics and numbers or

whatever-" he pauses to see Megan try and slap Nick across the face, though she misses.

"They studied a lot of things about logistics, you know? Time and place, place and time. They

were organized and invented something that others only fantasized about. A time machine."

Jade scoffs. "Oh, please."

"You'd think a vampire would be open to anything out of the ordinary, especially after

she just time traveled," Vee snaps. That shuts Jade up. "They placed these machines in very select

places. Of course, a member of one of the families has ties with politicians and tons of CEO's in the

New York Area. They placed one in that Smithyonion place you just mentioned."

"Smithsonian."

"Right. That place was very restricted, closed pretty early, if you ask me. That weird hallway

you describe obviously wasn't meant to be entered by anyone."

"Well, we broke into it."

"Not a smart idea. Now, you're stuck 100 years into the future."

Jade's heart drops. "You don't have any way for me to get back home?"

Vee chuckles. "Don't be ridiculous. Yes, I do. I'm one of the few people who has any access

to these machines anymore."

"What do you mean anymore?

"Well, it didn't take long for these time machines to be released to the public for a limited time.

Yeah, I know what you're thinking, what a stupid idea. And it was."

"That wasn't what I was thinking, but sure. Couldn't that mess up time?"

"You bet it could. And it did. That's why they're not available to the wide-open public anymore.

I'm not sure if you noticed, but Jardenland was on the cold side, and that had nothing to do with the fact

it's October, I promise you. Someone tried reversing global warming and just sent most of the United

States into an ice age. Most of us are fine now, but there's those few areas that are still struggling to

recover back to better temperatures."

"Okay," Jade licked her lips. She tries to choose her following words carefully, but they

stumble out. "So, can I use one of your time machines to get back to my century?"

Vee shakes his head immediately. "Unless you've got something to offer me in return, I'm

afraid not."

Anthony never mentioned anything about money. Jade wasn't even sure the currency she

possessed would satisfy this greedy middle aged man before her.

"You can keep my friend," Jade blurts before she thinks twice.

Vee's ears perk up. "What friend?"

"Um," she swallows, not knowing that selling somebody would work. "That one there." Jade

points to Megan easily, a smile growing on her face, finally knowing that this could potentially be the

last time she had to hear from her ever again.

Vee nods. "Oh, yes. That one could be of great use to me."

"Ew. I don't- whatever. She's yours."

"You've done a great service to me today. The time machines are on the third floor."

"Are you serious?" Jade can't believe what she's hearing. "Another flight of stairs away and I

could have been home by now?"

"No trip to the Smithyonion and you could have _stayed_ home," Vee reminds her. "Be careful

using those. You don't want to be sent further back or further into the future. The password is fungus in

all capitals, by the way."

Jade wants to ask, but then doesn't.

"We're going home, are we?" Max applauds at this news.

"You sold me?"

"Good job on getting us out of here, Jade!" Nick beams.

"No more cute hotel boy?" Amelia has a look of worry on her face.

"You _sold_ me?"

Jade sighs. Why couldn't everyone be as happy as she is to go back to normal?

"Yes, we finally have a way home. And you're lucky I haven't sold you sooner. That's

what you get for inviting yourself to my wedding."

"This is bullshit! My phone doesn't even work here! I can 't even post a_ hashtag I just got sold_

selfie-"

"Jade, can we talk?" Amelia immediately pulls Jade by her arm and drags her outside. "We just

adapted to this place, are you really sure you want to go?"

"Amelia, you can't be serious. You want to stay?"

"Yeah, this place is different, but we can help ourselves now, can't we? No ties to your family.

No worries here. You could start completely over."

"How can you think like that? All of your witch ancestry is back home and you know that."

"If vampires are heard of around here, I'm sure witches are, too. Plus you just met Anthony.

I know you really like him."

"The last time I tied myself down to anyone, he left me for a blonde."

"You need to stop tying yourself to the memory of Demitri, that's what you need to do. I'm sure

Nick will understand you want to divorce him already," Amelia fits a joke in there.

"I'll go say goodbye, if that eases your conscious."

Jade just realized she has to say goodbye, which has always been relatively simple all her life.

But she's actually grown to looking forward every morning, booking another night day by day, chatting

with Anthony and developed some sort of closeness to him the time they stayed there at the hotel

eating their worries of a lost path home away.

Jade has a personal list of things she really cares about. The first item is French Toast, second

being Amelia, but now, there's a third: Anthony Latoria.

Jade has no blood running through her veins, she has no particular heartbeat, she's only human

in the sense of her outward appearance, if anything. She's looked at love as such a cliché human

feeling, but as she experiences tiny increments of it now, she feels bad for ever lashing out at her

close family for adapting to it quicker than she did.

She realizes it's not reasonable to pin this on her ex, Demitri, although he did play a pretty

big part in her reservedness and overall irritation to almost everything.

It's late by the time they go back to the hotel. It's just Amelia and Jade, and they're ready to

both pay for their over-indulgence of room service for all those weeks and pay the price of having

to say goodbye. Amelia waits outside, because it's Jade who has to do both of those things.

It wasn't easy to do- the bill was a good few grand, and Jade did not like the fact that she

was not going to talk to Anthony for a very long time.

"I'm going to leave this place and you won't remember me at all," Jade informs him with a

smile. When he shows signs of confusion as to why she's enjoying this, she reassures him. "We'll be

talking again some day. You're in the future, remember? And I don't age. I'll be waiting."

"Why can't you just stay here now?" Anthony pleads.

"I wanted to after Amelia pointed out I still have you here," Jade laughs. "But there's just

too much I missed out on. I don't know exactly how I can survive here. Things are different.

I need to feel secure." Jade looks around the hotel's lobby one last time. "I just don't feel that here."

Amelia rushes into the hotel lobby, holding her phone up. "Jade!" She waves the phone

so hard, the text on the screen is hardly legible. "It's your birthday! 12 AM, October 8th!"

Jade turns back around to face Anthony only to see him grinning from ear to ear. "Happy

Birthday. Although this may be the lamest birthday you've had."

"Not even close," she smiles. "I said I'd you'd see me again, and you will. Just a few 100 years.

No biggie."

Amelia shoves Jade into the car, content with the fact it was a _see you later_! Instead of a

difficult goodbye.

Jade doesn't like time machines.

"I hate that feeling of falling through nothing, you know?" Jade announces from her new

leather couch.

"_I agruh_," Amelia mumbles through a mouth full of cheese balls.

"Whatever," Harley mutters. "You guys didn't even realize I was gone. I had to walk home.

After dodging several lasers, I might add."

"It's better than having to see Megan everyday. You wouldn't have been pleased."

"What happened to her, by the way?"

"I sold her."

"Wait-"

"So, Jade, next weekend is your one month anniversary with Nick."

"Who?"

"I think he really likes you, you know."

"I'm sure he does. But he's insane if he thinks I'm gonna stay married to someone who b_ought_

_me a gift I already had._"

"When are you going to let that go?" Harley asks, grabbing a handful of the cheese balls.

"I'm Jade Vaduva, since when do I let things go?"

"_Goof point, thaf so true,_" muffles Amelia through her cheese-filled mouth.

"Harley- why do you think you're entitled to eating all the snacks? You brought your own

breakfast foods and brought them here."

"Cheese balls weren't a breakfast option. I'm getting my daily amount in."

"That reminds me," Jade wipes her orange fingers on her sweats. "Where's the french toast you

bought me?"

Harley swallows thickly, not ready to admit she was hungry on the car drive to their new apartment. "About those..."

Life is like a serving of french toast. Or multiple servings in Jade's case. You can enjoy it many

ways. Slices of strawberry, powdered sugar, butter, syrup, or all four combined. When your french toast

gets a little bland- which it _never _should- there's always ways to sweeten it up.

Author's Notes (because I can)

This story was loosely influenced by a handful of people, including my best friend, Emily

Moran and her _friend_ Max, Yessi Martinez and a beautiful piece of writing she introduced to me a few

months back that I will just call _Matches,_ and last but certainly not least, Olivia "Chachi" Irene

Gonzales (better known by just Chachi Gonzales), Ian Anthony Eastwood-Latoria (better known by

just Ian Eastwood, in fact, he doesn't even include Latoria as a second last name but that last name is

really cute), and, unfortunately, by a real person who goes by Megan Batoon (nothing is cute about

her). Jade is not supposed to resemble me in any shape or form. Except, I really like french toast.

Just in case I become a famous author in the future and this trash of an epic becomes

published or leaked (because no one should ever have to read this but Mrs. Barnes so I will obviously

not publish this myself) I want to clarify that none of the drama in _When You Deprive A Vampire Of_

_French Toast_ is accurate to any of the people named above, although they DO have beef as I write this.

But that's neither here nor there.

Also, Megan Batoon, do not try to sue me if you ever read this for some odd reason because I

never want to see your face in person and no one should ever have to.

I don't know why I chose Jade to be a vampire, I felt like it would add some spice into the story.

Furthermore, credits to_ The Vampire Diaries_ for the inspiration to incorporate the whole

"daylight ring" and _house/building ownership-vampire entry access_ idea into this epic.

This is not a real Author's Notes page. Obviously.

Ps. For anyone who cares, Anthony Latoria was supposed to be_ based _on Zayn Malik's 2012

appearance because he is the cutest real person I could think of, but no English writing can accurately

describe his looks of any year of his life. Maybe french. That's an exotic language, right?


End file.
